[Sunday, November 14, 2010 at 10:25pm PST]
There is so much to say I do not know where to begin. I am a historian by nature so I guess I will give it to you chronologically. I wrote a positive report on Friday November 12th. It was accurate but was missing something. I had told you in my earliest posts how things can go up and down during the natural healing of cancer. How one day you can be riding high and the next flat on your face. There were so many good things to report on Friday and we were trying to stop some alarmist false rumors about Srila Gurudeva not getting adequate care so I left out one thing. It turns out that by Saturday night that one thing became the one BIG THING!
On Thursday and Friday Srila Gurudeva had decreased his food consumption. He was not taking anything through the mouth and he was returning most of what went down the tube. He was down to about 300 calories at most. When he repeated this on Saturday we were beside ourselves. What could we do he was not digesting the offerings we were giving him. Then on Saturday evening when Sripad Tirtha Maharaja gave him the first printing of the 10th Canto of the Bhagavatam in Hindi Srila Gurudeva’s response caused our hearts to sink. After Srila Gurudeva signed the book he gave the pen and the book to Sripad Tirtha Maharaja and told him that the responsibility to finish translating and editing the Bhagavatam was now in his hands. He explained to him how translation and writing work of transcendental literature was being done by Krishna and the Guruvarga through him. Srila Gurudeva told Sripada Tirtha Maharaja that when Srila Gurudeva translated the Jaiva Dharma into Hindi Srila Bhakti Prajnana Keshava Maharaja had edited it. Srila Bhakti Prajnana Keshava Maharaja said in the introduction to Jaiva Dharma that he had been given some credit for editing but that it was really the work of Sripad Narayan Maharaja. Srila Gurudeva said that even though his Guru Maharaja said that he never felt like that in his heart. He believed always that it was his Guru Maharaja who was doing this translating work through him and he was only the instrument. Srila Gurudeva told Sripad Tirtha Maharaja you should always think like this within your heart that the Guruvarga is doing this work through me.
When we all heard this pastime that Srila Gurudeva had given up writing the Bhagavatam and was decreasing his food intake and was unable to digest our offerings we felt helpless. So many times Srila Gurudeva said if I cannot write then I do not want to stay. So many of us thought, to be quite honest, that he had made a decision to leave. The mood was gloomy and we were all heartbroken. I was desperate as were so many others. We Need Our Srila Gurudeva what will we do without him. I did not write a report that night. How could I? I had omitted the fact that he was not eating and digesting the night before thinking it was a couple of down days and he would get over it. But now I felt it was actually headed in a completely different direction. But then some things started to turn around almost inexplicably.
Saturday Night at about 9pm Sripada Madhava Maharaja had decided to give Srila Gurudeva antibiotics because he was complaining of some discomfort in the abdomen area which is usually a sign of his chronic reoccurring urinary tract infection. This was given at 9pm on Saturday Night. Around 2am on Sunday Morning he was obviously feeling some relief from that problem. However what was even more obvious according to a report we received from Madhuvrata Prabhu at the health care meeting last night was that he was more externally conscious. He was no longer deeply in his meditative sleep but was now more externally concerned about his environment. He then started making a number of requests for adjustments to the comfort of his body and the temperature and atmosphere. Cool water for his feet, then more blankets, no light complete darkness, etc etc. Madhuvrata Prabhu narrated how when Srila Gurudeva is in a more externally conscious state he has many requirements and makes them known, and It is our pleasure to serve His needs always. Brajanath Prabhu mentioned in the meeting that it has been Srila Gurudevas history that when we solve Srila Gurudevas urinary tract problems his Spiritualized body functions better and he responds better. What happened the rest of Sunday was simply amazing. I will now list some of the things that have happened yesterday that show Srila Gurudeva is clearly back on the upswing but not in chronological order.
So on Sunday Morning the Chinese Qi Gong Massage therapist worked on Srila Gurudeva for an hour. He acted like he was resting quietly on his bed with his eyes closed while the massage was going on even though he was significantly more externally conscious. How merciful is our Srila Gurudeva. The massage therapist reported that his energy and muscle strength is definitely improving more and more. That he had demonstrated better control of his neck muscles and was able to hold his arm up for sometime on his own without assistance. These were all good signs. This was later confirmed again when Srila Gurudeva’s physiotherapist asked him after their session if he could do some exercise. The therapist asked him to hold out his arms and to open and close his fists as an exercise. Srila Gurudeva held out his arms and opened and closed his fists and then when he closed them he started rotating his wrists and his arms as well. The physio therapist’s eyes opened wide. Smiling the therapist said yes this is very good if you can do this. Our Srila Gurudeva is so merciful and sweet. First he appears to be helpless and complies with our efforts to help him and then he clearly demonstrates his transcendental prowess and exceeds our understanding and our expectations of him.
Srila Gurudeva had a sun bath and a light massage as well. Then Srila Gurudeva asked Doctor Prakash what I have to do to get better. Doctor Prakash said eat and walk. Srila Gurudeva’s request was music to our ears and his response was a soothing balm to our hearts. Srila Gurudeva began eating more today and digesting it as well. He consumed about 1.5 liters of liquid food through the tube and ate a few spoons of kichidi for lunch and a few spoons of dalia (cracked wheat) for dinner. He appeared to digest everything well. So the eating has begun but what is even more amazing is the activity.
He came outside on the veranda in his wheel chair this morning and the few devotees that stayed back from the parikrama were amazed and jubilant. Later when many of us had returned from the Parikrama we were ecstatic to see Srila Gurudeva back out on the veranda. I had just returned when he was brought to the door and the devotees were all over the place singing Jaya Jaya Gurudeva and Gurudeva tomare Jaya Jaya Ho. Their hands were upraised and their voices jubilant and filled with excitement and happiness the spiritual energy was unbelievable. I ran from the gate all the way to the stairs pushing everyone out of the way as I approached. I really wanted to run up the stairs and touch his feet but I knew it would start a stampede so in order to avoid mayhem I restrained myself but it was hard.
After being on the veranda and smiling lovingly at all the devotees he then went inside and began walking up and down with the assistance of two devotees. So it appears by all indications that Srila Gurudeva has decided to better by his own spiritual power. Of course he is the transcendentally completely independent Mahabhagavat nitya siddha and can do as he likes. He may decide to stay today and leave tomorrow but something he told to one devotee today in private is very significant. That devotee revealed it to me in an interview. That devotee told me that Srila Gurudeva said: “I wanted to leave but all of my disciples want me to stay”. This statement and his activities yesterday seems to make it clear what his present intentions are.
All we can do is continue to pray and beg him to stay and guide us for some time more. All of his thousand’s of disciples and well wishers all over the world have been offering heartfelt prayers and Kirtans, begging our Srila Gurudeva to please not go from this world now. He has heard our prayers and it appears that he is responding. Now we must keep up the heartfelt intentions and actions. There are ups and downs in the natural healing of cancer however when you apply these things to a nitya siddha like Srila Gurudeva you get a roller coaster ride through the Himalaya’s from the heights down to the valley and back up again. Only Srila Gurudeva can do this. Only he can make us take such a ride and come out the other side better than when we started out.
I am trying my best to give you the story and the atmosphere of what is happening here with Srila Gurudeva. Sometimes I may make some mistake please forgive me for any faults in my presentations. I am begging for the mercy of Srila Gurudeva and the dust of all the Vaishnavas upon my head.
B.V. Bhagavat Swami
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